In one of our previous posts, while explaining the 34th verse of Surah 7. An Nisa, we talked about the qualities of a good wife in the marriage. Since marriage is a bondage between and a man and woman, the marriage cannot sail smoothly unless both husband and wife understand their role as prescribed in Quran and Sunnah, the marital drive remains bumpy and explosive in certain cases.
We must understand that in Islam, the responsibilities of both husband and wife are based on mutual respect, kindness, and cooperation within the marriage. These responsibilities emphasize fairness, love, and support, and maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship.
[You may read our post: Role of "Good" Muslim women in their marriage to better understand this post - And do not forget to watch the video at the end of this post for a scholarly response to know 'the' husband who is a fear of Allah]
Talking exclusively for the role of husband we need to understand the onus of maintaining peace and harmony rests on the shoulders of a husband. A good husband in light of the Quran and Sunnah is one who treats his wife with kindness, justice, and respect, provides for her emotionally and financially, and leads with wisdom and compassion. He seeks to protect her dignity, fosters a loving relationship, and handles challenges with patience and forgiveness. The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ is the ultimate role model in this regard, and his treatment of his wives serves as the ideal for all husbands. A good husband’s love and respect for his wife should be grounded in faith, and his actions should reflect the highest standards of Islamic character.
Eminent Muslim scholar Nauman Ali Khan notes that:
Muslims must meet two sets of responsibilities: responsibilities towards Allah and towards people. While our obligations to Allah are clear and simple, with the only possibility of wrong-doing falling on us, human relationships are much more complicated. But the two are not separate from each other; if you fail in your responsibilities towards people, then you have also failed before Allah. Marital relationships are a case in point. Allah perfectly sums up the husband-wife connection in the first part of Aya 34 of Surat An-Nisaa: “Arrijaal qawwamuna ‘ala an-nisaa." Despite popular misconception, the word “qawwamuna” has nothing to do with authority, says Khan. Its core meaning combines the notions of activity, commitment, consistency, reliability and conferring value. Physical, emotional and spiritual abuse in the form of “religious blackmail” are not tolerated in Islam. On the contrary, husbands have a responsibility to actively maintain relationships, protect their spouses (even against their own parents, with respect) and to be the mentors and advisers who will help them fulfill their goals.
Before we share a very informative lecture by Nauman Ali Khan, let us list down some of the key responsibilities of a husband in as expected of them according to dictates of Qur'an and Sunnah:
1. Providing Financial Support (Nafaqah)
The foremost responsibility of the husband is to provide financial support to maintain a household. husband is obligated to provide for his wife and family’s financial needs. This includes ensuring that they have food, shelter, clothing, and other basic needs. Even if the wife is wealthy or independently earns an income, the husband is still responsible for fulfilling this duty.
- The Quranic Command Regarding Nafaqah:
- Surah Al-Baqarah (2:233):
- “And mothers may nurse their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing. And upon the father is their (mother’s) provision and their (mother’s) clothing according to what is acceptable. No soul is charged with more than it can bear.”
- This verse shows that the father (husband) is responsible for the financial upkeep of his wife, particularly during pregnancy, childbirth, and nursing. It emphasizes the need to provide for the wife in a reasonable and dignified manner according to his ability.
- Surah At-Talaq (65:6):
- “Lodge them [in a part of the house] from where you dwell, according to your means, and do not harm them in order to oppress them. And if they are pregnant, then spend on them until they give birth. And if they breastfeed for you, then give them their reward.”
- This verse clarifies that the husband must provide for his wife during her pregnancy and while breastfeeding, ensuring that the provision is consistent with his financial capability. The provision must be fair and reasonable, in accordance with the marital context.
- Surah An-Nisa (4:34):
- “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their wealth (for the support of women).”
- This verse clearly establishes the husband’s duty to provide financial support as part of his responsibility as the protector and maintainer of the family. It highlights that spending for his wife is a key role that comes with the responsibility of leadership within the family.
- The Sunnah (Hadiths) on Nafaqah:
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) emphasized the importance of provision for the wife in many narrations, making it clear that a husband’s duty to financially support his wife is a form of obedience to Allah.
- Narrated by Al-Mughira ibn Shu’ba (Sahih Muslim): “The best of what you can give as a gift is the money for the woman.”
- This Hadith shows that supporting one’s wife financially is considered one of the best ways a husband can show love and care for his wife.
- Narrated by Ibn ‘Abbas (Sahih Bukhari):
- “The husband is responsible for the nafqah of his wife. The wife has the right to be fed and clothed in a manner that is appropriate to her status.”
- This Hadith reinforces the importance of the husband providing the essentials—food and clothing—in a manner that aligns with his financial ability, while also ensuring that his wife’s dignity is maintained.
- Narrated by Aisha (RA) (Sahih Muslim):
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “A man should provide for his wife in accordance with his means. If he is wealthy, he should give her generously, and if he is poor, he should provide for her with what he has, without causing harm.”
- This Hadith highlights that the amount provided should be proportionate to the husband’s financial situation, but he is required to provide for her needs regardless of his wealth or poverty.
- How a Husband Should Provide Nafaqah (Financial Support): A good husband in Islam ensures the financial support (nafaqah) of his wife by providing her with food, clothing, housing, and other essential needs according to his means. He does so in a just, fair, and respectful manner, maintaining her dignity and comfort. This responsibility is emphasized repeatedly in both the Quran and Sunnah, making it clear that financial support is not just a legal obligation but a moral one as well. The husband must ensure that he meets his wife’s needs while also avoiding any form of oppression or hardship. If a husband fulfills this duty with sincerity, he is fulfilling a key aspect of his role as a protector and provider within the family structure outlined in Islam.
- Proportionate to His Ability:
- A husband is expected to provide for his wife’s needs according to his means, without being extravagant or stingy. If a husband is wealthy, he should provide comfortably, while if he is less financially capable, he should still meet his wife’s basic needs without causing hardship.
- The Quran says in Surah At-Talaq (65:6): “Lodge them from where you dwell according to your means…” This suggests that the provision should be within the husband’s financial capacity, without any hardship imposed on either party.
- Basic Needs (Food, Clothing, and Housing):
- Food: The husband is responsible for providing adequate and healthy food for his wife, suitable to her status and lifestyle. This ensures she is nourished and able to live in comfort.
- Clothing: A husband is required to provide appropriate clothing for his wife, in a manner that is suitable to her social standing and lifestyle. The Quran mentions that the wife’s clothing should be part of the husband’s provision.
- Housing: The husband should provide a home for his wife, where she can live comfortably. The home should be a place of peace and privacy, offering both physical and emotional security.
- Treatment with Dignity and Respect:
- Financial support is not just about material provisions but also entails giving it in a dignified and respectful manner. The husband should give generously but without creating a sense of inequality or imbalance.
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi) This Hadith indicates that a good husband should give generously and respectfully, without causing his wife any emotional or psychological harm.
- Special Consideration During Pregnancy and Nursing: As per Surah At-Talaq (65:6), when a wife is pregnant or nursing, the husband has a greater responsibility to ensure she is provided for properly. He should offer additional support during these times, including financial assistance for medical needs or extra comfort.
- Avoiding Hardship and Oppression:
- A husband is not allowed to impose undue hardship on his wife. If the husband faces financial difficulty, he should still provide for his wife according to what is possible and reasonable. Excessive demands should not be placed on a wife, and her provision should never cause her suffering.
- Sahih Muslim: “Do not harm her to make her go out of your home.” This Hadith also reflects that the financial responsibility of the husband should not be used to oppress or mistreat the wife.
- No Delay in Provision:
- A husband should never delay the provision of nafaqah to his wife without valid reasons. Timely support is essential for the well-being of the wife, and delaying her provisions can lead to emotional and psychological harm.
- In the case of divorce, the husband is still responsible for providing for his wife during the ‘iddah (waiting period).
2. Protecting the Honor of Wife
A husband is expected to protect his wife emotionally, physically, and psychologically. This involves providing a safe and secure environment for her and safeguarding her from harm.
- Quranic Guidance: The Quran teaches that a good husband should protect his wife’s dignity and honor and ensure that she is treated with respect in all situations. Surah An-Nisa (4:19) commands husbands to treat their wives with kindness.
- Sunnah: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) demonstrated protecting his wives' honor by treating them with respect in public and private. He would not engage in any behavior that would bring shame or embarrassment to them.
3. Kindness and Compassion
The Quran and Hadith emphasize the importance of kindness in marriage. A husband is expected to treat his wife with love, gentleness, and respect. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, "The best of you are those who are the best to their wives."
- Quranic Guidance:
- “And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:19)
- This verse emphasizes that even if a husband feels some dislike or frustration, he is still commanded to treat his wife with kindness and respect. It reflects the principle of patience and understanding in relationships.
- Sunnah:
- The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said, “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Tirmidhi)
- In another Hadith, the Prophet ﷺ stated, “Treat women kindly, for woman was created from a rib, and the most crooked part of the rib is its top. If you try to straighten it, you will break it. So if you enjoy the woman, do so in a way that you will not break her.” (Sahih Muslim)
This shows that a good husband should always aim to be gentle, compassionate, and patient with his wife.
4. Fairness and Justice
In a marriage where multiple wives are involved (allowed in certain circumstances in Islam), the husband must treat each wife fairly and equitably in terms of time, attention, and resources. Even in a monogamous marriage, fairness and justice are vital in all aspects of life together.
- Quranic Guidance:
- The Quran stresses the importance of justice and fairness in marriage. A good husband is fair in all aspects of his relationship, ensuring that his wife’s rights are upheld and treating her with equality and respect.
- “And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphans, then marry those that please you of [other] women, two or three or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one...” (Surah An-Nisa, 4:3)
- Sunnah:
- Justice is not only in material matters but also in emotional care, time, and attention given to each spouse.
- The Prophet (PBUH) warned against injustice in marriage, stating, “Fear Allah, and be just between your wives.” (Sahih Muslim)
5. Emotional Support
A husband should be a source of emotional support, listening to his wife, showing empathy, and providing comfort during difficult times.
- Quranic Guidance:
- “And they (your wives) are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:187)
- This verse illustrates the deep connection between husband and wife, portraying them as each other’s protective garment. Just as clothing provides comfort, warmth, and protection, a husband should offer emotional support, care, and comfort to his wife.
- Sunnah:
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was known for his deep love and affection towards his wives. He would help with household tasks and always ensure that his wife felt cherished and loved.
- “The best among you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Ibn Majah)
A good husband makes his wife feel secure, loved, and valued.
6. Spiritual Leadership
As the head of the family, a husband is responsible for leading his household in terms of religious obligations, such as prayer, fasting, and adherence to Islamic principles. He should encourage his wife and children in their faith.
- Quranic Guidance:
- In Islam, marriage is a partnership, and the husband is not a dictator but a leader in the home. He is expected to lead by example and in a manner that is loving and just.
- Surah At-Tahrim (66:6) emphasizes the importance of safeguarding the family and fulfilling the role of a leader: “O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.”
- Sunnah:
- The Prophet (PBUH) was a role model for his followers, and his treatment of his wives was exemplary. He was their companion, engaging in activities with them, having conversations, and offering support.
- “The most perfect of believers in faith is the one who is best in character. And the best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (Sunan al-Tirmidhi)
7. Consultation and Cooperation
In Islam, the concept of consultation (Shura) and cooperation between husband and wife is essential for a successful, harmonious marriage. A good husband should actively involve his wife in decision-making, respecting her views, and working together to manage the responsibilities of life. The Quran and Sunnah provide numerous examples of how the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) consulted his wives and treated them with respect and dignity. By emulating this approach, a husband can build a strong, cooperative, and loving partnership with his wife, based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared responsibility.
Here’s how a husband can include his wife in consultation and cooperation according to Islamic teachings:
- Consultation (Shura) in the Quran
- The Quran encourages consultation as a principle of leadership, and this applies not just in larger societal matters but also within the family structure, including marriage. Consultation helps build mutual understanding, respect, and shared responsibility.
- Surah Ash-Shura (42:38):
- “And those who have responded to their lord and established prayer and whose affair is [determined by] consultation among themselves, and from what We have provided them, they spend.”
- This verse highlights that consultation is a key attribute of the believers, and the affairs of those who follow Allah’s guidance are conducted with mutual discussion and understanding. It emphasizes the importance of collaboration in decision-making.
- Surah Al-Imran (3:159):
- “So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude in speech and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from about you. So pardon them and ask forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter...”
- This verse refers to the Prophet Muhammad’s (PBUH) leadership and how he would consult his companions in important matters, even when it was difficult. If the Prophet (PBUH) demonstrated the value of consultation in critical decisions, it sets a clear example for husbands to involve their wives in matters concerning the family.
- The Sunnah (Hadith) on Consultation and Cooperation: The Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) is full of examples of how he interacted with his wives, always valuing their input and encouraging a cooperative relationship.
- Consulting in Family Decisions:
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was known for consulting his wives on matters, and he always took their opinions into consideration, even on issues not directly related to the family. This practice set an example for husbands to engage in discussions with their wives before making decisions, fostering a sense of partnership.
- Narrated by Aisha (RA) (Sahih Muslim): “The Prophet (PBUH) would always take counsel from his wives. He was not arrogant in his approach to them and valued their thoughts. He treated them with respect, dignity, and kindness.”
- This hadith highlights the Prophet’s (PBUH) humility and his consistent practice of consulting his wives, encouraging husbands to involve their wives in important matters and decisions that affect the family.
- A Practical Example – The Battle of Uhud:
- During the Battle of Uhud, the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) consulted his companions, including his wife Umm Salama (RA), about the decision to leave Medina and confront the enemy outside the city. Umm Salama (RA) suggested a strategic approach, and the Prophet (PBUH) accepted her advice, demonstrating that consultation is a valuable practice in all situations.
- Umm Salama (RA) said: “O Messenger of Allah, you should not go out to fight the enemy.” The Prophet (PBUH) listened to her, and after considering her suggestion, he decided to go out and fight. Although the advice was not implemented immediately, the Prophet’s (PBUH) willingness to listen to his wife’s opinion showed the importance of consultation in decision-making.
- Mutual Cooperation Between Husband and Wife: Islam teaches that marriage is based on cooperation and shared responsibilities. Both partners are equally responsible for making decisions that affect their lives together, including matters related to the home, finances, children, and even religious obligations.
- Surah An-Nisa (4:34):
- “Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has made one of them to excel the other and because they spend of their wealth (for the support of women). So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in the husband's absence what Allah would have them guard...”
- This verse outlines the role of men as protectors and providers. However, it should not be interpreted as a one-sided relationship. The Quran encourages cooperation, where the husband and wife work together in harmony for the well-being of the family.
- The Hadith on Cooperation in Household Tasks:
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) was also known for cooperating with his wives in household tasks. He would help in the housework, such as mending his clothes, helping with the chores, and even serving himself at times.
- Narrated by Aisha (RA) (Sahih Muslim): “The Prophet (PBUH) used to help his wives in their work. He would help with the cooking, cleaning, and any other tasks around the house.”
- A husband should not see household chores as solely the wife’s responsibility. Instead, he should cooperate in managing the household together, sharing duties to ease the burden on both partners.
- Principles for a Husband to Include His Wife in Consultation and Cooperation:
- Mutual Respect and Dignity:
- A husband should ensure that the consultation process is based on mutual respect and dignity, where his wife’s opinion is valued and taken seriously. Her thoughts and suggestions should be listened to attentively, without dismissiveness or arrogance.
- The husband should avoid being dictatorial or authoritarian in his approach to marriage and should seek his wife’s advice in both important and everyday matters.
- Transparency and Openness: A husband should maintain openness and transparency in all aspects of the relationship. Decisions regarding finances, children, or future plans should be discussed together, ensuring that both partners are on the same page.
- Shared Decision-Making:
- The husband should share decisions with his wife, especially regarding family issues, financial planning, and the upbringing of children. It is important to make decisions as a team rather than one person making all the decisions independently.
- The principle of Shura (consultation) means that while the husband may have the final say in certain matters, he should always ensure that the wife’s input is taken into account, creating a balanced and harmonious environment.
- Understanding and Compromise:
- While cooperation means working together, it also requires understanding and sometimes compromise. Differences in opinion are natural, but a good husband should aim for consensus through respectful dialogue, where both partners feel heard and valued.
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) himself demonstrated the ability to compromise when necessary, always looking for the best solution for the family.
8. Sexual Rights and Fulfillment
In Islam, sexual rights and the fulfillment of a wife’s sexual needs are important aspects of the marriage relationship. The Quran and Sunnah emphasize that sexual intimacy should be based on mutual respect, consent, love, and the fulfillment of both partners’ needs. A husband is instructed to treat his wife with kindness and fairness, ensuring that her sexual rights are respected and that she is treated with dignity and care.
- Sexual Rights in Islam: In Islam, marriage is not just about companionship, but also about fulfilling the natural sexual needs of both spouses. A husband and wife are encouraged to be affectionate, intimate, and considerate of each other’s desires and needs.
- The Quranic Perspective:
- Surah Al-Baqarah (2:223):
- “Your wives are a garment for you, and you are a garment for them…”
- This verse uses the metaphor of garments to describe the closeness and intimacy between husband and wife. Just as garments cover and protect the body, the husband and wife should care for, protect, and intimately fulfill each other’s emotional and physical needs.
- The verse also implies that the relationship between a husband and wife is one of mutual affection and support, which extends to their sexual needs as well.
- Surah An-Nisa (4:19):
- “And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.”
- This verse emphasizes the importance of kindness in the marriage relationship, including sexual intimacy. A husband should be kind, gentle, and considerate in his approach to his wife’s needs, ensuring that she feels valued and respected.
- The Sunnah on Sexual Fulfillment: The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) provided practical examples of how a husband should treat his wife in the marital relationship, including sexual intimacy. His approach was always based on mutual respect, compassion, and affection.
- Mutual Fulfillment and Satisfaction:
- Narrated by Abu Huraira (RA) (Sahih Muslim):
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “If a man calls his wife to his bed and she refuses, and he spends the night angry with her, the angels will curse her until morning.”
- This Hadith underscores the importance of responding to sexual needs within the marriage, as it is considered a mutual responsibility for both spouses to fulfill each other’s sexual desires, as long as it is done in a manner that is respectful and consensual.
- However, it is also important to note that consent and willingness are essential. A wife is not expected to fulfill her husband's sexual needs if she is not willing or is not in the right state (e.g., sick, tired, or emotionally distressed). The husband should ensure that his wife’s comfort and well-being are prioritized.
- Affectionate and Gentle Treatment:
- Narrated by Aisha (RA) (Sahih Muslim):“The Prophet (PBUH) would kiss, embrace, and be affectionate with his wives before leaving for prayer, and he would be very gentle in his approach toward them.”
- The Prophet (PBUH) was always affectionate with his wives, showing emotional intimacy and kindness, which helps to create an environment of mutual affection and sexual fulfillment. The physical relationship is an extension of the emotional bond, and the husband should ensure that his wife feels loved, respected, and cherished.
- Respecting Each Other’s Needs and Desires:
- Narrated by Jabir bin Abdullah (Sahih Muslim): “The Prophet (PBUH) said: ‘If any of you has sexual relations with his wife, let him do so in a way that she is also pleased. Let the woman’s desire be fulfilled as well as the man’s.’”
- This hadith emphasizes that both spouses should work to please each other in sexual relations. The husband should make sure that his wife’s desires and satisfaction are met, ensuring that it is a mutual experience.
- How Should a Husband Ensure Sexual Fulfillment for His Wife? Here are key ways in which a husband can ensure his wife’s sexual rights are fulfilled and respected in line with the Quran and Sunnah:
- Kindness and Affection
- A husband should approach his wife with gentleness, affection, and empathy. The Prophet (PBUH) was known to be affectionate and would show care and respect toward his wives, both emotionally and physically.
- Sahih Muslim: “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” This highlights that a husband should treat his wife with kindness, affection, and gentleness, even in sexual matters.
- Fulfilling Her Emotional Needs:
- A husband should ensure that his wife’s emotional needs are met, as emotional intimacy is often linked to sexual intimacy. Providing emotional support, spending quality time together, and being affectionate outside of the bedroom will enhance the marital bond and help create a more fulfilling sexual relationship.
- The Prophet (PBUH) demonstrated care by communicating with his wives, showing affection, and building trust, which are all vital for sexual fulfillment in marriage.
- Mutual Consent and Willingness
- While sexual rights are emphasized in Islam, consent and mutual satisfaction are equally important. A husband should never pressure his wife into sexual activity if she is unwilling or uncomfortable. Sexual intimacy in Islam is based on mutual consent and desire, not coercion or force.
- Sahih Bukhari:
- “Do not harm your wife in any way.”
- This hadith can also apply to the sexual relationship. The husband should ensure that his wife is not subjected to any form of harm or discomfort, and her consent is always respected.
- Ensuring Physical Comfort: The husband should consider his wife’s physical comfort and well-being. Sexual relations should not cause physical pain or discomfort, and the husband should be sensitive to his wife’s needs. This includes being aware of her health, emotional state, and comfort level during intimacy.
- Narrated by Aisha (RA): “The Prophet (PBUH) would be tender and caring toward his wives, and he would always check if they were comfortable.”
- This shows that the husband should be attentive to his wife’s physical comfort and be willing to adjust to her needs.
- Variety and Sensitivity:
- Islam encourages the husband to ensure that sexual relations are mutually fulfilling and varied. Monotony or neglect can lead to dissatisfaction. The husband should be considerate of his wife’s desires, listen to her preferences, and avoid being selfish in the relationship.
- The Prophet (PBUH) would show affection and variety in his approach to his wives, always ensuring that they were pleased.
- Privacy and Respect for Modesty: Islam places great importance on modesty and privacy in the intimate relationship between husband and wife. The sexual relationship should be kept private, and both partners should respect each other’s modesty and boundaries.
- Sahih Muslim:
- “When one of you engages in sexual intercourse with his wife, let him avoid looking at her private parts.”
- This highlights the importance of mutual respect and modesty during intimacy.
- Care After Sexual Relations: Islam encourages husbands to care for their wives after sexual intimacy as well. This includes ensuring that she feels emotionally and physically comfortable, not simply treating intimacy as a one-sided act but as a shared and nurturing experience.
- Narrated by Aisha (RA) (Sahih Bukhari): “The Prophet (PBUH) would give care and attention to his wives even after their intimate relations, making sure they were emotionally satisfied.”
A husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual rights in a way that is loving, respectful, and considerate, in line with the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah. This includes being affectionate, ensuring mutual satisfaction, and respecting her needs and boundaries. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) set the example by being gentle, kind, and attentive to his wives, fostering a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship based on mutual care, consent, and love. The marital relationship in Islam is not just about physical intimacy, but about emotional and spiritual fulfillment, creating a balanced and respectful partnership.
9. Maintaining Patience and Tolerance
Marriage involves challenges, and a husband must be patient and tolerant in dealing with difficulties. He should show forbearance when issues arise and work toward resolving them in a peaceful and constructive manner.
- Quranic Guidance:
- In a marriage, a good husband must practice forgiveness and patience in resolving conflicts, as reconciliation is encouraged between all believers, and especially between spouses.
- “The believers are but a single brotherhood. So make peace and reconciliation between your two brothers...” (Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:10)
- Sunnah:
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) showed immense patience and forgiveness in his relationships with his wives. When misunderstandings or conflicts arose, he would handle them with wisdom and patience rather than anger.
- “A believer does not defame, curse, or abuse others.” (Sahih Muslim)
- A good husband should be forgiving and non-abusive when conflicts arise.
10. Good Character and Integrity
In Islam, good character and integrity are essential qualities for any individual, and they are especially emphasized within the context of marriage. A husband is encouraged to exhibit these qualities in order to establish a loving, respectful, and harmonious relationship with his wife. Both the Quran and the Sunnah offer guidance on how a husband should behave in marriage, focusing on honesty, trustworthiness, patience, and kindness, among other virtues.
- Acting with Kindness and Compassion: The foundation of a strong marriage in Islam is built on love and compassion. A husband is encouraged to treat his wife with the utmost kindness, tenderness, and affection, creating an environment where mutual respect and care prevail.
- Surah Ar-Rum (30:21):
- “And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.”
- This verse emphasizes that affection and mercy are essential elements in the marital relationship. A husband should always act with gentleness and love, making sure that his wife feels safe, valued, and respected.
- Hadith (Sahih Muslim):
- “The best of you are those who are best to their wives.”
- This hadith clearly indicates that the husband’s treatment of his wife is a reflection of his good character. Treating her with kindness and care should be a priority.
- Being Honest and Trustworthy: In Islam, honesty and trustworthiness are key components of good character and integrity. A husband should maintain truthfulness in all aspects of his relationship with his wife. This includes emotional honesty, financial transparency, and spiritual commitment.
- Surah Al-Ahzab (33:70-71):
- “O you who have believed, fear Allah and speak words of appropriate justice. He will [then] amend for you your deeds and forgive you your sins. And whoever obeys Allah and His Messenger has certainly attained a great attainment.”
- Honesty in words and actions is a manifestation of a person’s taqwa (God-consciousness). A husband should always be honest and truthful in his dealings with his wife and avoid deception or dishonesty.
- Hadith (Sahih Al-Bukhari):
- “The signs of a hypocrite are three: When he speaks, he lies; when he makes a promise, he breaks it; and when he is entrusted, he betrays the trust.”
- This hadith serves as a warning against dishonesty. A husband should avoid any form of betrayal or breaking promises in his marriage, maintaining integrity and honor in his relationship.
- Practicing Patience and Tolerance: Marriage can present challenges, and a husband is expected to exercise patience in his interactions with his wife, especially during times of conflict or disagreement. Patience, along with empathy and understanding, is vital for maintaining peace and resolving issues in a constructive way.
- Surah Ash-Shura (42:43):
- “And whoever is patient and forgives – indeed, that is of the matters [requiring] determination.”
- Patience is emphasized here as a virtue in dealing with difficult situations. A husband should be patient with his wife’s shortcomings and challenges, allowing room for forgiveness and reconciliation.
- Hadith (Sahih Al-Bukhari):
- “A believing man should not hate a believing woman. If he dislikes something about her character, he should be patient, for he may like something else in her.”
- This hadith encourages patience and understanding. A husband should not rush to anger or resentment, but instead, he should focus on his wife’s good qualities and give her room for growth.
- Showing Respect and Humility: A husband should exhibit respect and humility toward his wife, acknowledging her rights and treating her as an equal partner in the marriage. Humility is a core aspect of good character in Islam.
- Surah Al-Nisa (4:19):
- “And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them – perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.”
- This verse calls for kindness and mutual respect, even when there are challenges in the relationship. A husband should treat his wife with dignity and honor, not looking down upon her or belittling her.
- Hadith (Sunan Abu Dawood):
- “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives, and I am the best among you to my wives.”
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) set the example of humility by treating his wives with great respect and honor. A husband should avoid arrogance and pride, instead choosing to show humility and respect in his marriage.
- Fulfilling His Responsibilities and Commitments: A husband is expected to fulfill his obligations and responsibilities as a provider, protector, and supporter. This includes financial responsibility, emotional support, and spiritual guidance. He should live up to the promises he made when entering the marriage contract.
- Surah Al-Baqarah (2:233):
- “...and mothers may breastfeed their children for two whole years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing. And upon the father is the mother’s provision and their clothing according to what is acceptable.”
- The Quran explicitly places the responsibility of providing on the husband, ensuring that he takes care of his wife and children, both emotionally and financially.
- Hadith (Sunan Ibn Majah):
- “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The husband is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock.”
- This hadith emphasizes the responsibility of the husband in managing and protecting his family, ensuring their well-being, and living up to his commitments.
- Avoiding Aggression and Harshness: A husband should never resort to anger, violence, or harshness in his relationship with his wife. Islam strictly forbids any form of abuse, whether emotional, physical, or psychological. Instead, the husband should maintain self-control and address conflicts with calmness and wisdom.
- Surah Al-Baqarah (2:231):
- “And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, either retain them according to acceptable terms or release them according to acceptable terms. And do not keep them in harmful relationships to transgress.”
- The verse emphasizes that harm should not be caused to the wife in any way, including through harshness or abuse. A husband should deal with his wife in a manner that is in line with justice and fairness.
- Hadith (Sunan Abu Dawood):
- “The Prophet (PBUH) never hit a woman or a servant. He always treated them with the utmost respect and kindness.”
- The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) set the example for non-violence and gentleness. A husband should avoid any form of harshness and work toward resolving conflicts in a peaceful, respectful manner.
- Trust and Transparency: A good husband maintains trust and openness in his marriage. He should communicate openly, make decisions together, and be honest in all dealings, particularly concerning finances, family matters, and personal boundaries.
- Hadith (Sahih Muslim):
- “A man will be questioned on the Day of Judgment about his responsibility towards his wife and children. Did he fulfill his duties?”
- This hadith highlights the importance of transparency and responsibility in marriage, where a husband is accountable for his actions and decisions.
In Islam, good character and integrity are foundational to a successful and loving marriage. A husband is called to act with kindness, honesty, patience, respect, and humility. He must fulfill his responsibilities, protect and provide for his family, and treat his wife with dignity, love, and care. Through his actions, a husband should aim to create a home filled with peace, trust, and harmony, following the example set by the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH). By exhibiting these qualities, a husband fulfills his role in marriage in a manner that pleases Allah and strengthens the marital bond.
These responsibilities are balanced with the rights and responsibilities of the wife, and both spouses are encouraged to treat each other with fairness, respect, and love.
The responsibilities listed above are generalized and many things could be added to these. Let us now watch a very informative and thought provoking video in which one of the most eminent scholars of present times, Nouman Ali Khan, dwells on the question: Are You the Husband Allah Describes? Please watch the video:
About Nouman Ali Khan: Born to a Pakistani family, Nouman Ali Khan is an American Muslim speaker and Arabic instructor who founded the Bayyinah Institute for Arabic and Qur’anic Studies, after serving as an instructor of Arabic at Nassau Community College. He has been named one of the 500 most influential Muslims in the world by the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Centre of Jordan.
Let us listen to this video again and again and really understand how Allah wants us to be His servants and how we should always be looking towards him, and no one else, for our worldly needs. If we can really Ingrid the meaning of this verse into ourselves, we will never go astray or be misled by worldly desires or following the priests and imams or asking from the dead saints.
May Allāh (سبحانه و تعالى) help us understand Qur'ān and follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, which is embodiment of commandments of Allah contained in the Qur'ān. May Allah help us to be like the ones He loves and let our lives be lived helping others and not making others' lives miserable or unlivable. May all our wrong doings, whether intentional or unintentional, be forgiven before the angel of death knocks on our door.
وَمَا عَلَيۡنَاۤ اِلَّا الۡبَلٰغُ الۡمُبِيۡنُ
(36:17) and our duty is no more than to clearly convey the Message.”
That is our duty to convey only to you the message that Allah has entrusted us with. Then it is for you to accept it or reject it. We have not been made responsible for making you accept it forcibly, and if you do not accept it, we shall not be seized in consequence of your disbelief, you will yourselves be answerable for your actions on Day of Resurrection.
May Allah forgive me if my posts ever imply a piety far greater than I possess. I am most in need of guidance.
Disclaimer: The views expressed in the video above are those of the scholar concerned. We have shared this view as added information in better understanding of Islam. The reader may or may not agree with the view owing to their own perception. If anyone differs with the material contained in this post, one may consult the references and their authors. If someone has more material about the subject, he/she is most welcome to share in the comments box to make the post all encompassing.
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