Islam, therefore, stresses upon taking the consent of women, whether previously married or not, so that she knows for sure whom she want to to marry. However, despite clear framework of marriages, many in Muslim countries still force their daughters into marriage, which in many cases turn out to be an utter misery or mismatch.
We share herein under a Hadith attributed to Prophet Muhammad ﷺ in which he explicitly asks to take the consent of the women when a proposal is received. This Hadith is mentioned in Sunan Ibn Majah / Book 9 he Chapters on Marriage / باب النكاح) / Chapter 11: Seeking the consent of virgins and previously-married women / باب اسْتِئْمَارِ الْبِكْرِ وَالثَّيِّبِ / as Hadith number # 1871 under:
It was narrated from Abu Hurairah that:
The Messenger of Allah said: “A previously-married woman should not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin should not be married until her consent is sought, and her consent is her silence.”
Arabic Text:
حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الرَّحْمَنِ بْنُ إِبْرَاهِيمَ الدِّمَشْقِيُّ، حَدَّثَنَا الْوَلِيدُ بْنُ مُسْلِمٍ، حَدَّثَنَا الأَوْزَاعِيُّ، حَدَّثَنِي يَحْيَى بْنُ أَبِي كَثِيرٍ، عَنْ أَبِي سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ ـ صلى الله عليه وسلم ـ قَالَ " لاَ تُنْكَحُ الثَّيِّبُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْمَرَ وَلاَ الْبِكْرُ حَتَّى تُسْتَأْذَنَ وَإِذْنُهَا الصُّمُوتُ "
Grade: Sahih (Darussalam)
Explanation of the terminologies of married and virgin women:
- Previously-married Woman (Thayyib):
- A previously-married woman, known as a "thayyib" in Arabic, refers to a woman who has been married before, regardless of whether she is currently divorced or widowed.
- The hadith stipulates that such a woman should not be married off without her explicit consultation and consent. Her experience in marriage and life grants her the right to have a direct say in her marital decisions.
- Virgin (Bikr):
- A virgin, referred to as "bikr" in Arabic, is a woman who has never been married.
- For a virgin, the Prophet (peace be upon him) mentions that her consent should be sought before marriage. Since a virgin might feel shy to express her consent verbally, her silence in response to the proposal is considered an indication of her agreement.
Significance of Silence:
- In the cultural context of the time, a virgin's silence was interpreted as her implicit consent. This does not mean she cannot speak up if she disagrees, but rather it respects her modesty and shyness.
- It ensures that her silence cannot be taken as coercion, but as a socially acceptable way of indicating her approval.
Importance in Islamic Jurisprudence:
- Protection of Women's Rights and Autonomy:
- Personal Autonomy: Islam recognizes the individual's right to make personal decisions. By ensuring that a woman's consent is required, it protects her autonomy and respects her personal choice.
- Prevention of Coercion: Mandating consent helps prevent forced marriages, ensuring that women are not compelled into a relationship against their will.
- The hadith underscores the protection of women's rights in marriage by ensuring that their consent is a prerequisite for the marriage contract to be valid.
- Dignity and Respect: By requiring consent, Islam promotes equality and respect for women's choices, emphasizing that their preferences and decisions must be honored.
- Respecting Women's Decisions: By requiring consent, Islam upholds the dignity of women, ensuring they are treated as equal partners in marriage.
- Empowering Women: It empowers women by giving them the right to accept or reject a marriage proposal, thus recognizing their capability to make significant life decisions.
- Mutual Agreement:
- Foundation of a Healthy Marriage: Marriage in Islam is viewed as a partnership based on mutual respect, love, and understanding. Consent ensures that both parties enter the marriage willingly and are committed to making it work.
- Harmonious Relationship: A marriage entered into with mutual consent is more likely to be harmonious and successful, as both partners have agreed to the union without any external pressure.
- Psychological and Emotional Well-being:
- Emotional Security: Consent ensures that the woman is emotionally prepared and willing to enter the marriage, which is crucial for her psychological well-being.
- Prevention of Resentment: A forced marriage can lead to resentment, dissatisfaction, and various emotional issues. Ensuring consent helps in mitigating these risks.
Legal and Ethical Framework:
- Sharia Compliance: The requirement for consent is in accordance with Sharia (Islamic law), which emphasizes justice and fairness. Ensuring consent aligns with the ethical and legal framework of Islam.
- Precedent in Prophetic Traditions: The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) emphasized the importance of consent in numerous hadiths, setting a precedent for the Muslim community.
- Quranic Principles:
- Justice and Kindness: The Quran emphasizes justice and kindness in all dealings. Ensuring a woman's consent in marriage is a manifestation of these principles.
- Mutual Agreement in Contracts: The Quran speaks about mutual agreement in various contexts, including trade and contracts. Marriage, being a significant contract, is no exception.
Reference from the Quran:
The importance of mutual consent in marriage is also supported by the Quran. For instance:
"O you who have believed, it is not lawful for you to inherit women by compulsion. And do not make difficulties for them in order to take [back] part of what you gave them unless they commit a clear immorality. And live with them in kindness. For if you dislike them - perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good." Surah An-Nisa (4:19):
"And when you divorce women and they have fulfilled their term, do not prevent them from remarrying their [former] husbands if they agree among themselves on an acceptable basis. That is instructed to whoever of you believes in Allah and the Last Day. That is better for you and purer, and Allah knows and you know not." Surah Al-Baqarah (2:232)
These verses underscore the importance of treating women with kindness, justice, and ensuring their free will in marital matters.
The hadith reinforces the principle that a woman's consent is essential for a valid marriage in Islam. This aligns with the broader Islamic teachings on justice, respect, and the protection of individual rights.
Islam's emphasis on taking a woman's consent for marriage is a reflection of its broader principles of justice, respect for personal autonomy, and the importance of mutual agreement. It is a safeguard against coercion and ensures that marriages are entered into willingly and harmoniously, contributing to the well-being of individuals and society.
Let us then not force our daughters and sisters in consenting to unmatched proposals. Rather they should be included in the matrimonial matters concerning them right form outset. Remember, forcing the women is something that is disliked in Islam and Prophet Muhammad ﷺ through this hadith is given a very clear direction whenever deciding the future of women in Islam.
The silent nod by women should not be misused for in some cases the women are threatened of dire consequences in case of disagreeing with the proposal so put forward In such cases, the forced silent nod is totally against the above quoted hadith and commandment of Allah to treat women kindly. Let the women make their decision. However, in case of virgins who are still not very mature to decide, it is the duty of their parents to explain to them the pros and cons. Yet still, let the women decide.
May Allāh (سبحانه و تعالى) help us understand Qur'ān and follow the Sunnah of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, which is embodiment of commandments of Allah contained in the Qur'ān. May Allah help us to be like the ones He loves and let our lives be lived helping others and not making others' lives miserable or unlivable. May all our wrong doings, whether intentional or unintentional, be forgiven before the angel of death knocks on our door.
وَمَا عَلَيۡنَاۤ اِلَّا الۡبَلٰغُ الۡمُبِيۡنُ
(36:17) and our duty is no more than to clearly convey the Message.”
That is Our duty is only to convey to you the message that Allah has entrusted us with. Then it is for you to accept it or reject it. We have not been made responsible for making you accept it forcibly, and if you do not accept it, we shall not be seized in consequence of your disbelief, you will yourselves be answerable for your actions on Day of Resurrection.
May Allah forgive me if my posts ever imply a piety far greater than I possess. I am most in need of guidance.
Reading the Qur'ān should be a daily obligation of a Muslim - Reading it with translation will make it meaningful. But reading its Exegesis / Tafsir will make you understand it fully. It will also help the Muslims to have grasp over social issues and their answers discussed in the Qur'an and other matter related to inter faith so that they are able to discuss issues with non-Muslims with authority based on refences from Qur'an.
Note: When we mention God in our posts, we mean One True God, we call Allah in Islam, with no associates. Allah is the Sole Creator of all things, and that Allah is all-powerful and all-knowing. Allah has no offspring, no race, no gender, no body, and is unaffected by the characteristics of human life.
Please refer to our reference page: Hadiths of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ related to Muslim Women for more Hadiths on the status of women in Islam.
For more hadiths on varying subjects, refer to our reference page: Sunnah and Hadith of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ to know more about Hadiths and Sunnah of Prophet of Allah. You may also refer to our Reference Pages for knowing more about Islam and Qur'ān.
Disclaimer: The material for this post has been collected from the references as given above. If anyone differs with the material contained in this post, one may consult the references and their authors. If someone has more material about the subject, he/she is most welcome to share in the comments box to make the post all encompassing.
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